Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
