the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
