I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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