Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
