You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
