if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
