i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
