what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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