This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
