My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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