i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
