I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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