He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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