it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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