i was born a porn star she said
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this will be a night to untag.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
