last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
