I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
