Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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