I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Welp...herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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