She's JV to your varsity
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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