The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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