my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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