Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
