Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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