dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
