I wish I only lived at night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
