Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There are leaves in my underwear?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize