The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
