M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize