He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
