Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
