There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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