dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
