found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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