wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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