She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
