If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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