Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
