shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
