apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
