you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize