Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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