the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
