I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
