I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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