Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
