I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
