I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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