My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i believe in u and ur pee
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
