what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize