You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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