It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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