so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
