he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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