Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
