How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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