Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
