you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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