Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
