I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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