I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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