Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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