those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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