i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's never too late to be topless.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize