trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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