she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
