Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
