Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
