My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
