when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
