is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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