Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
