dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
