Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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