Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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