I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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