you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
