a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
