my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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