he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
