His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at about main and main street
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
