well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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